Feminism/Uncensored: In Which I Unleash A Sh*tstorm of Ranted Expletives on a Local Radio DJ

Last night I spent about an hour in my car, hate listening to the radio.


I was heading home around 7:30pm and listening to "Raw Nitro" on Boom Champions 94.1 FM with Mr. Smooth and DJ Karey. It was their "Make Up or Break Up" segment, and the topic of conversation was essentially a very crass version of What's your number? Intrigued as I am by discussions of sexuality, I listened, curious to see where it would go. I'm not sure why I thought the session would be in any way enlightened, but I had faith in Trinidad. That faith was shattered last night.

Because THIS:

Listeners were encouraged to call in and disclose their numbers. Fair enough. What was NOT okay was the way in which the female callers were treated after having done so. There was a CLEAR and BIASED dichotomy between the way the men and women were treated and frankly, it was disgusting.

The men had a nice time of it. They called in their numbers, (some bragging upwards of 900 women, I kid thee not) collected their virtual fist-bumps and went on their way.

But the women who called with higher numbers (varying from between 15 to 35 if I remember correctly  were essentially told that no man would ever want to marry them, (because ZOMG WHAT IS A WOMAN WITHOUT A WEDDING RING?!?!?!?) allusions to loose vaginas included, and those with low numbers (usually 3 to 5) were told that they MUST be lying, and to not call in and lie to them.


The rage-stroke that this show induced last night is ongoing, and a profanity laden post is the only way that I will be able to adequately convey how VERY FUCKING PISSED I AM about what is being disseminated over our airwaves. There is so much BULLSHIT happening here that I need to do this as a bulleted list, just so I can keep track of it all:

*Going forward I will address (who I presume is) Mr. Smooth directly because he did most of the talking, and he's the one I want to jump-kick. Feel free to correct me if the offender is actually DJ Karey. I don't listen to them enough to know which is which.*

  • SLUT SHAMING: Not okay you fucking asshole! Mr. Smooth's reaction to the female callers with higher numbers was barely hidden disgust. One woman even hung up the phone prematurely after he began to berate her. He made comments about loose vaginas (Yes, I said VAGINA) and the fact that  he could never be with someone knowing they had slept with so many other people before him. I'm so sorry that the women in your life did not make you the priority of their sex-lifes Mr. Smooth, but you're going to have to get over it.
  • UNDERMINING WOMEN: The other abhorrent thing that Mr. Smooth did was undermine the women with lower numbers by refusing to believe that they had not slept with more people, even going so far as to demand that one woman count out who her partners had been. Mr. Smooth, you need to choose. Either you accept that woman have sex and have had many partners that are not you, or you accept that some women make the equally valid choice not to have many partners. You cannot insist that all women are slut-puppies and should have fewer partners, and then shame the women who have fewer partners. You know what that does? IT ENSURES THAT YOU SIR, GET NO SEX.
  • VIOLENT IMAGERY: One of the things that REALLY bugged me was the use of violent phrases like "cut down" and "beat out" to describe the sex that men were having. (How many trees yuh cut down? et al.) Now these phrases are colloquial and I understand that they are part of Trinidad's culture, but they have sinister implications. It's especially disturbing that he only used this language to describe men's sexual activity, placing them as active participants, while women's sexual activity was reduced to "skinning out" (spreading their legs essentially) making them passive. Are you not AWARE Mr. Smooth what a huge problem sexual and domestic violence is? Don't you realize that by framing sex in these terms, you're desensitizing the community to the seriousness of sexually motivated violence?
  • MISOGYNY: One particularly delightful exchange was with a 17 year old male caller who admitted to having already had 19 partners. Mr. Smooth's sage advice was to wrap it up and get tested.... because some women are malicious and knowingly spread diseases. WHAT THE FUCK SMOOTH? Way to absolve him of all responsibility for his sexual health. It's the woman's fault. She will give you an STD out of spite because she is a HARPIE. The Horror!
  • HYPOCRISY: Lastly, I take serious issue with the HYPOCRISY of the congratulatory tone he used when talking to the men. Men called in and claimed to have had approximately 25-60 partners, but it's cool because you know.... penis. Women with 15 partners where unworthy of serious consideration as potential mates in the long term, but MEN WITH 59 PARTNERS WERE SUPER TOTALLY AWESOME. He even tried to place a phone call to a doctor whose sky-high number so impressed him, that he wanted said doctor to disclose it himself on air. The fact that he honestly didn't seem to realize the obvious double standard he was exercising, coupled with the hypocrisy of his actions makes me seriously question his intelligence. 

........because PENIS!

The main reason this irks me so much is because a lot of fucking people listen to this show. The show is on from 6-9PM. Young men and women are up and tuned in, and they are internalizing the message that Mr. Smooth is spreading. It particularly irks me that teenagers, who by nature are coming into their sexuality, are being instructed that objectification and shame are intrinsic parts of the sexual experience. As a public figure, Mr. Smooth has a responsibility to be informed in his opinions before vomiting them all over the radio. 

What also annoys the living shit out of me about the way that Mr. Smooth treated these women is that Trinidad is a largely matriarchal society. Not on a political level, but on a familial level. How many young men in this country were raised exclusively by mothers, aunts and grandmothers? How many young men owe their lives and their very well-being to the sacrifices that those women made for them as they grew up? And THIS is the way you're teaching people to treat them? It literally makes me shake with rage.

*On a tangential but related note: on a previous occasion, Mr. Smooth told a woman ON AIR that having an abortion was like taking a gun and shooting a child. Even after she sensibly detailed the reasons why she was considering the procedure. WHAT THE FUCK DUDE? Her poor lady brain! How could she ever know what was best for herself in her own life! Decisions: The wymenz can't make them! News-fucking-flash Mr. Smooth, a fetus is not a person. It cannot be murdered. Let me personally direct you to the number of ways in which you are full of shit.*

Your number of sexual partners does not matter. It literally says nothing about you except how many people you have slept with. It not a moral measuring stick, and it is never something to be ashamed of, regardless of how high or low it might be, whether you be man, woman or beast.
"In our culture  sex outside of a monogamous relationship is typically frowned upon. We think it's wrong, make all kinds of assumptions about the people engaging in it and like to think there's something inherently damaged or incomplete about them. Like any other subjective act, sex doesn't mean anything in and of itself. [It's a biological function.] It only has the meaning you give it." -Thought Catalog
When it comes to sex, there are very few universal guidelines. Once you are open and honest about the terms of your sexual encounters, all said encounters are consensual on all/both sides, and you are conscious and careful about the potential risks (re: STD protection and birth control) you're GOOD TO GO. That's it. HAVE ALL THE SEX. Prepare for the fuckening. Life is short and sex is fun! Morals don't travel well. Trying to apply medieval views on sex and sexuality to the 21st century is NEVER going to cut it. SO STOP YOUR SHIT Mr. Smooth.

And lastly, before I go, a note: The name of this blog was very carefully calculated. It has multiple meanings to me, and connotations to other people, and I've gotten several side-eyes as a result of the most obvious ones. But the main reason I named my blog Promiscuous Lola* is to generate the side-eye. The literal purpose of this title is to force people to confront and challenge their attitudes about sex and sexuality. The point is for them to see the name, assume I'm a whore-monger, read my writing, see that I'm actually an intelligent and articulate human being and then GET THE FUCK OVER THEMSELVES. I am aware that this is a thinly veiled layer of irony in promoting the ethical slut ideology when I have chosen PLola as my moniker (soon to change, but more on that later), but I'm also aware that I'm right. Short of personal responsibility for sexual health, there is no morality in sex. And that is the sex positive message that I would like to spread.

So fuck your bullshit Mr. Smooth. Cut it out.

/end rant.

*The name of this blog was changed a few days after this post went live.